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Description
At the moment I am struggling to validate the reasons why I exist as it seems I have no purpose in life. I have no idea why, but ever since the beginning of this year I've noticed that near enough every month I go through a bout of depression and it's normally about the same old things to be honest with you.
I'm trapped on a vicious merry-go-round ride and I have no idea how to stop it. The thing is the more I find myself trapped in a never ending cycle of self hatred/low self esteem/endless doubts and despair the more I'm closer to throwing in the towel and give up for good. All my dreams are unattainable and out of my reach, so what's the point in holding onto them, hoping that I'm being silly and that they will actually come true someday
I'm so sick and tired of being myself because I've noticed everyday I seem to manifest and embody all the negative emotions I carry inside. I don't deserve love or happiness, that's how I feel and because of feeling so worthless and incredibly inferior to everyone else in this harsh world, I don't believe I'm able to succeed in anything I do or want to do in the future.
And I'm finding it hard to believe the positive things people say about me, especially friends and family. Everytime I question their statements because it's simply hard in believing what they say. And they wonder why I don't want to work on myself - it's because I know I have a bleak future in front of me.
I will not get a job. I will get into a relationship with a wonderful guy and experience sex for the first time. I will not get married or have children. I will not be successful in anything, end of story.
I have achieved so very little at the age of 27 and I have myself to blame for it. I have nothing to love myself
I'm trapped on a vicious merry-go-round ride and I have no idea how to stop it. The thing is the more I find myself trapped in a never ending cycle of self hatred/low self esteem/endless doubts and despair the more I'm closer to throwing in the towel and give up for good. All my dreams are unattainable and out of my reach, so what's the point in holding onto them, hoping that I'm being silly and that they will actually come true someday
I'm so sick and tired of being myself because I've noticed everyday I seem to manifest and embody all the negative emotions I carry inside. I don't deserve love or happiness, that's how I feel and because of feeling so worthless and incredibly inferior to everyone else in this harsh world, I don't believe I'm able to succeed in anything I do or want to do in the future.
And I'm finding it hard to believe the positive things people say about me, especially friends and family. Everytime I question their statements because it's simply hard in believing what they say. And they wonder why I don't want to work on myself - it's because I know I have a bleak future in front of me.
I will not get a job. I will get into a relationship with a wonderful guy and experience sex for the first time. I will not get married or have children. I will not be successful in anything, end of story.
I have achieved so very little at the age of 27 and I have myself to blame for it. I have nothing to love myself
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© 2015 - 2024 British-Prophetess
Comments13
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I would say that being in a relationship and having children is not as important as society wants it to be, but then I remember that everyone has their own preferences.
I can't tell anything inspiring, because this stamp also reflects my own thoughts. Few years ago I understood that my life was completely wasted. I will never be who I am inside. There is no place where I could live and feel tranquility. I hated all jobs which I had; I hate my current job; I will never have a job which I like, because it simply doesn't exist in our world (although it's not fictional; it could exist).
I am not mentally able to have friends - the closest kind of relationship available for me could be "comrades who share common goal". I never belonged anywhere; I still do not belong even when I try to; and it's easy to predict that I will never find a society where I would be welcome. The older I get, the more I realize one sad fact: human being really needs to belong. I often remember one graffiti which was in my Favourites before their owner deactivated his account few years ago: "It's cool being the only one, but it's lonely..."
I have few more years maximum (if our world will last for so long
), so I just continue to exist while I can. My imagination is the only thing which keeps me sane; that's also the only thing which I like about myself.
People... We may have complicated culture and lots of interesting activities, but we are the most unhappy creatures on the Earth for we think too much
I can't tell anything inspiring, because this stamp also reflects my own thoughts. Few years ago I understood that my life was completely wasted. I will never be who I am inside. There is no place where I could live and feel tranquility. I hated all jobs which I had; I hate my current job; I will never have a job which I like, because it simply doesn't exist in our world (although it's not fictional; it could exist).
I am not mentally able to have friends - the closest kind of relationship available for me could be "comrades who share common goal". I never belonged anywhere; I still do not belong even when I try to; and it's easy to predict that I will never find a society where I would be welcome. The older I get, the more I realize one sad fact: human being really needs to belong. I often remember one graffiti which was in my Favourites before their owner deactivated his account few years ago: "It's cool being the only one, but it's lonely..."
I have few more years maximum (if our world will last for so long
), so I just continue to exist while I can. My imagination is the only thing which keeps me sane; that's also the only thing which I like about myself.People... We may have complicated culture and lots of interesting activities, but we are the most unhappy creatures on the Earth for we think too much