These Angel's Wings

Tell me, is it ever alright to take these angel’s fragile wings and snap each of them apart as if there were mere insignificant twigs? Does the means always justify the ends in which cruel, pre-meditated rejection is the one available answer for everything? Unbeknownst to you there are other options; unfortunately you made it your own decision to ignore them by burying your head in the deepest sand dunes like a cowardly ostrich.

Why am I not surprised? Perhaps it’s a lesson I have learnt while dealing with you. Something I have picked up on when it was much too late. In hindsight I wish to God I would have realised this earlier than I did; it would have saved me from experiencing awful ordeals, it would have protected me from living in a world where only anguish, jealously and misunderstanding resided. In all honesty, while living in this detrimental environment I was deprived from oxygen. The only thing that was considered breathable was pure, poisonous toxic.

I could have flew away, but you drew me into your seductive yet tender spider’s web. How could I have resisted a highwayman’s magnetic charm? Thoughts of escaping never once crossed my mind, not even when our stubbornness and differences played us one against the other. For once I’d found a truly special gift, a treasure more richer and meaningful than all the rare and beautiful jewels of the world put all together.

However, that was back then in the past and now we are currently living the present time. Time is ever a strong driving force and we have no control whatsoever.

A former angel stands before you. No longer does she serve as one of God’s holy servants, nor is the celestial being whose heart you brutishly broke before pulling the carpet from underneath her feet and then throwing her into a putrid cesspool of abandonment as a final goodbye. Oh no, she isn't the same girl at all. She has seen through your pitiful disguise and regards you in a whole new different light; her love, passion and admiration of you transforming into absolute disgust, bitterness, and contempt.

This is your own fault – never forget that. The reason I am now this way is because of you and nobody else. I sincerely hope you are basking in your glorious triumph in the way you mistreated me. How do you find it within you to say you still hope you didn’t want to cut ties with me when it has already been said and done three months ago? Cease with the noble airs and graces, you’re not exactly doing yourself any favours if you continue to act so pretentiously. You may have fooled me a while ago, but you fail to catch on that I am slowly getting back to my feet while maintaining a sharp eye, more sharper than that of an eagle stalking insignificant rodents. I have considerably wised up after first-hand witnessing your Jekyll and Hyde disposition more than once. A gentleman does not bear two faces in his dealings with the woman he bears so much love and affection for.

You knew exactly what you were doing. You felt no remorse whatsoever when you washed your hands of me no matter how many times you shall deny this claim. Which one of us is the human full of emotions, dreams and ambitions? And which one is the insensitive, unfeeling machine intending to crush and destroy that person’s gentle spirit with merciless intentions?

I already know the answer, however I bet your mind is incapable of figuring it out. Then again it is in your deceptive nature not to give a straight answer. You bend the truth so much that it’s in your favour. You do not speak the whole truth, constantly withholding vital information in order to prolong my displeasure even further than it ought to. You’re skilled as a Machiavellian man, I’ll give you that. You’re just as bad as, or maybe even worse than those other men who thrive on keeping women under their thumb. Those are the vile leeches that you hear about from time to time as they take pleasure in controlling their girlfriends, always feeding them a whole string of lies while cheating on them with different women. They, in my opinion, do not deserve to be called men at all; they’re nothing but vermin, vermin that should be eradicated from the standards of society.

Of course, in an ideal world it will be a much easier process to weed out the bad men, only leaving behind decent, warm hearted men who treats women correctly and who will also take love and romance quite seriously. Those are the type of men who I find very attractive and I do hope that I will be lucky enough to find a man with whom I am willing to spend the rest of my life with.

To say that I am fully over you would be a lie. I haven’t moved on as such and yet I am still moving on. It will be a long journey, that much I do know. I’m a little unsure of what awaits, however I’m doing everything I can to soldier on, so that I can leave you behind for good. After all, it was you who forsaken me in the first place. On occasion I find myself looking back over my shoulder but I don’t allow myself to dwell in such poisonous memories.

The person with their arms folded protectively against their chest is now a prophetess. Her steel blue eyes penetrate your skin like miniscule needles. Knowing the full of extent of the condensing coolness of her gaze, your eyes flicker and you’re unsure of which direction to turn.

I am that prophetess whether you like it not. An angel has a lower rank than a prophetess, for the former once loved you with a child’s naivety and worshipped the ground you walked on. The latter, as you might have guess by now, pities you for what you’ve become and is rather unsympathetic towards your current situation.

A prophetess’ role is to prophesise any possible events that may or may not occur in the future to come based on the knowledge she has bequeathed . She who thoroughly studies and analyses what has happened in the past is a clever historian in her own right. Her greatness shines through her understanding and gradual acceptance of her own private past, which is used as a helpful tool to determine the future for the greater good. Depending on the person and how they treated her, she rewards loyalty and endless respect to those who stood by her side as a close friend. On the other hand, she condemns and thinks quite low of those who stabbed her in the back, enemies pretending to be friends and something maybe more.

Your claims of redemption have been acknowledged, for the words have been read by my very own eyes. Try if you must in your attempts to break down the barriers of the box in which you find yourself in almost every day, don’t expect me to come down there and save you. The tables have turned. You’re trapped in a box like an insect as was I when I used to suffocate and choke upon the harmful acid fumes in the old cruel world. And here I am, watching you struggle with discreet approval. This is just the beginning; you have much to learn and plenty of suffering to do before finally understanding the pain you caused me.

The reason why you can’t bear to look at yourself in the mirror is purely because of your conscious. The guilt is like an incurable disease. Whenever you try to move, the shame acts like an anchor and it continues to weigh down your body until you find yourself helplessly crushed against the hard rocks of stern judgement. When you look at your reflection in the mirror, do you see my vision that is summoned by memories long past?

So, you say you don’t ever want to put another girl through what you put me through in the first place? Half of me really want to believe you however I still don’t think you stand a chance. And yes, I am speaking from personal experience here. What if somewhere down the line you fall in love with another and then make the same mistakes as you did mostly during our second relationship? If I stand corrected and if nothing like that happens, then why the hell was I the exception? You never treated any of your other girlfriends like that, so why did you do it to me? Just admit it, I was nothing but a liability to you because we were continents apart. You made it clear on so many levels that I wasn’t one of your important priorities from the way you spent more time with other girls rather than me.

Do you know what you should do? You should build a harem, collect girls that takes your fancy and keep them all there in one place. That way they can satisfy your sexual urges that you obviously cannot control, simply because of two reasons. Firstly, you half jokingly suggested that Rochelle and you should be friends with benefits during our first relationship together. Secondly, you engaged in sexual role plays with other girls for so-called story purposes involving your own characters. What I can’t get my head around is you told me more than once that those type of role plays made you feel uncomfortable, and then you decided to still go through with them. I think I know why. It’s because you must have forgotten what sex felt like. And while we were unable to be physically intimate with one another due to us being in a long distance relationship, participating in sexual role plays with other girls must have turned you on so badly. Not to mention you would call some women hot and/or beautiful; I wouldn't be surprised if you’re still doing this up until this day.

I personally don’t think you grasp the meaning of what monogamy actually is. Look the word up in a dictionary if you want to. I refuse to help you in any form whatsoever as I’m past caring. I have no wings to carry you to safety; they are completely destroyed by you.

You of all people deserve to wallow in the shit you have created and have your face dragged in it for over a thousand miles.